AAMFT
Consumer Update
When Your Adolescent
Acts Out Sexually
Curiosity surrounding sexuality
is “normal” in the process of development. Beginning with exploration
of the body, an infant or toddler will proceed on to questions such as
“Where do baby’s come from?” in elementary school and “What is happening
to me?” as puberty begins. These curiosities serve as the foundation
for further exploration as the body matures, sexual feelings arise and
interest in sexuality is acquired. Fortunately for most, this aspect
of development matures with desires, passions and behaviors organized
by principles, values and social expectations into appropriate sexual
behaviors. There are some, however, whose behavior exceeds the “norm”
and extends sufficiently outside the realm of social mores as to draw
the attention of state, clinical or legal entities. Offensive sexual
behaviors range from sexual harassment (e.g., calling attention a person’s
body part.) to engaging in inappropriate and, at times, illegal sexual
behaviors (e.g., exposing oneself to another). Adolescents may engage
in sexual behaviors that, while socially and legally condoned (e.g.,
masturbation), may be considered immoral by family members. However,
when sexual behaviors exceed social and legal boundaries, bringing these
youth to the attention of the juvenile court, these youth are referred
to as Juveniles who Offend Sexually (JwOS).
Can I Prevent Sexually Offensive
Behavior?
A common question asked by
concerned parents is, “Can I prevent my adolescent from engaging in sexually
offensive behavior?” The answer to this is “yes,” if parents are willing
to invest in their child before he or she ever begins to occupy him or
herself in offensive sexual behaviors. First, develop a positive and
open home environment where adolescents feel safe approaching parents
with concerns and questions. Second, while remaining calm, parents should
be open and honest, listening effectively before responding so they know
what their child is asking. Third, family members need to understand
and eventually adopt a set of principles that will guide their decision-making.
Parents who teach principles that they themselves adopt, such as honesty,
trust, integrity, morality, chastity, fidelity and self-mastery through
expectations, rules and behavior, help their adolescent put on “armor”
that will protect the child in a society that floods the airways (e.g.,
TV, DVD, video games, music) with sexually implicit and explicit information.
Fourth, help adolescents organize these principles into a mission
statement, which will serve as their personal day-to-day motto, much
the same as the Boy Scout motto, “Be prepared.” Fifth, teach adolescents
how to use the principles to make effective decisions when faced with
difficult choices. Give them possible situations they may encounter and
help them use principles to decide how to deal effectively with the scenarios.
Sixth, be an adolescent’s primary source of sex education. Put aside
fears about talking about sexuality aside, pick up a sexuality book and
learn how to present the information to a child in an age-appropriate
manner. Seventh, monitor in a positive and considerate manner the movies
children watch, video games they play, activities they are involved in
with peers, jokes they tell that suggest insensitivity to sexuality or
people, curfews and signs of substance use or abuse. Finally, encourage
children to be good family and community citizens.
When Should I Seek Help?
It is important to know what
“normal” sexual behaviors are to determine if a sexual behavior is inappropriate
and offensive. When in doubt, parents are encouraged to seek out assistance
to better understand if the behavior their adolescent is involved in
is inappropriate and how best to handle it. With the current attitude
in society about sexual behavior, it is important that any sexual behavior
be given immediate and appropriate attention with the purpose being to:
· understand
the reason the adolescent engaged in the behavior,
· make
a determination as to whether the behavior is morally or legally acceptable,
· initiate
the appropriate level of intervention (home based, clinical or legal),
· strengthen
the adolescent against repeating the behavior through ongoing personal
interviews, monitoring activities and knowing where the adolescent is,
keeping an open dialogue and developing a safety plan, and
· share
the information, when appropriate, with the parents of other individuals
involved so they can seek assistance for their child.
Parents are encouraged to “take their heads out of the sand” and understand
and accept the seriousness of sexual behaviors. Seriousness can range
from kissing tag, “playing doctor” and self-stimulation, to acting
out sexually in an inappropriate manner based on age or maturity
(a 7-year-old simulating acting out sexual intercourse), to subtle
acts of sexual behavior imposed on others without permission (exhibitionism),
to active forms of aggression such as the use of manipulation (“If
you do this I will give you something or take something away?”), to
coercion (“If you don’t do this I will hurt you or your dog!”) or force (using
a weapon). While the previous examples demonstrate the range
of sexual behavior that might be considered offensive, the following
guidelines are suggested for parents to help them determine if their
adolescent’s sexual behavior is out of the ordinary:
• Age Difference. The
greater the difference in age, the more likely the behavior will not
be regarded as exploratory.
• Aggressive Components Included
in Sexual Behavior. When the sexual behavior moves out of the realm of
“showing” and begins to include aggression (insertion of objects into
the vagina or rectum) or coercion, the behavior must be regarded as offensive.
• Exploitive and Manipulative
Behavior. When one person exploits or manipulates another to gain compliance
to a sexual outcome, the behavior is regarded as offensive.
Where Do I Seek Assistance?
When sexual behavior is offensive,
parents may find themselves experiencing a wide range of emotions, such
as anger with the child, confusion about what to do, fear about the potential
outcomes in a legal system or denial that their child could have done
such a thing. While these emotions may govern initial parental
action, it is important that parents seek out professional guidance to
assess and make recommendations about what has occurred and what can
be done.
Professionals involved in
helping with juveniles who offend sexually can be located in a variety
of ways. Parents can contact a family therapist, their state’s
Department of Human Services, a social worker, a psychologist, a psychiatrist
or members of the clergy. Many hospitals have staff that work specifically
with youth and adolescents who act out sexually. Most counties have victim’s
advocates, and the local police or sheriff’s department should also be
able to offer assistance and guidance.
Negotiating the Legal System
If a child is referred to
the juvenile court for sexual behavior, it is important for parents to
understand their legal rights, as well as those of the adolescent. They
should find an attorney who has handled these types of cases in the past.
What is Therapy Like?
When an adolescent is referred
to the juvenile court for sexually offensive behavior, it is most likely
that two clinical requirements will be imposed. The first, will be the
completion of a psychosexual evaluation to help those examining the case
a) determine the severity of the sexual behavior based on age, victim,
location of behavior, etc., b) provide recommendations to the court and
clinician who will provide therapy, and c) help determine the type of
clinical setting in which the adolescent will be placed.
The second requirement is
to be involved in therapy. Regardless of the placement the adolescent
is assigned, there are three types of therapy. Individual therapy will
be used to address personal issues relating to the sexually offensive
behavior, such as denial, victim empathy or relapse prevention. It may
also address other psychological issues, such as depression, anxiety
and conduct disorder. Group therapy is designed for the adolescent to
meet with other youth who have also offended sexually. Group therapy
includes education about sexuality and social skills and often includes
the use of a workbook that becomes a basis for discussion. Family therapy
is aimed at helping parents and family members understand what has occurred
and how to prevent other incidents by strengthening all family members.
Since the adolescent will most likely return home, it helps family members
work out a safety plan, set realistic and age appropriate rules and expectations,
and organize a democratic, principle-based decision-making system.
Conclusion
It is important for parents
and families to understand and discuss sexual development and behavior
as children develop from early childhood through adolescence. Unfortunately,
many parents neglect to discuss sexual development and behavior with
their children, or if they do, it is a one-time event. Providing sexual
information (which includes not only anatomy and physiology, but also
addresses relationship skills and laws governing sexual behavior) is
developmental and needs to be presented at different ages based on what
the child, youth or adolescent needs to understand in order to be aware
of their sexual development, to master sexual impulses and to be appropriate
in their sexual expression.
Resources
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