AAMFT
Consumer Update
Infertility
Infertility
is commonly defined as the inability to conceive a child or carry a pregnancy
to full term. It is one of the most severe crises that a person or couple
may ever face, and presents a tremendous physical, emotional, and financial
challenge.
Infertility
is often a lonely and confusing battle, but not one that has to
be fought alone. Treatment for infertility requires a team approach and
should include both medical and mental health professionals. As one might
expect, infertility places a great deal of emotional strain on individuals
and couples, as well as friends and family. Due to the complexity created
by infertility, a mental health professional specially trained in dealing
with the impact on individuals, couples, and families is often necessary
to help get through this crisis.
Effects
of Infertility on Individuals and Couples
Most people
go through a series of intense feelings after being diagnosed with infertility.
Feelings of anger and sadness are quite common, as are feelings of loss
and betrayal. A couple's or individual's sadness may turn to grief- grief
for the child of their fantasies or grief for the experiences they imagined
sharing with the child. Couples, in particular, are likely to experience
changes in their relationship. These may include feeling more emotionally
distant or needing to withdraw from intimacy. Feelings of guilt and self-blame
may also arise, particularly if one of the partners is identified as
being the primary cause of the infertility. Additionally, the unfertile
partner may fear that the other person might leave the relationship.
Often, individuals
and couples experiencing infertility may begin to isolate themselves
from friends and family. They may dread attending social functions for
fear that uncomfortable discussions about the fertility process may arise.
Socializing with friends and family who have children or who are pregnant
may also become difficult, especially during periods of difficult diagnostic
tests and treatments.
How
do I know when to seek help?
While the primary
focus of infertility treatment is medical, dealing with the personal
and familial implications of infertility is vital for a person’s mental
health. Marriage and Family Therapy can be most beneficial when:
- Starting a new treatment or after a failed treatment
- Having to make difficult treatment decisions
- Needing extended family support and assistance
- Considering third party assistance (surrogacy,
egg or sperm donation)
- Investigating other options for family building
Marriage and
Family Therapy is also helpful when individuals or couples experience:
- Persistent feelings of sadness, guilt, loneliness,
anger, and/or anxiety
- Increased disagreements and discord (between partners)
- Strained interpersonal relationships with friends
or family
- Difficulty concentrating and remembering
- Social isolation
- Thoughts of suicide or death
How
can a Marriage and Family Therapist Help?
The marriage
and family therapist will provide his or her clients with a safe, neutral
ground in which to discuss the numerous issues related to infertility,
and also validate the intense feelings and emotions which often accompany
the crisis.
Although marriage
and family therapists cannot actually intervene in medical treatments
to help a woman become pregnant, they can help individuals wade through
the process, communicate better with each other, and gather more support
from family and friends. Since marriage and family therapists are trained
to focus on an individual or couple within a systems context, they can
help persons experiencing infertility to address issues in a clearer
way. Therapists are trained to help couples understand how the interactions
between the couple and their families can sometimes get in the way and
create conflict.
Therapy can
also provide an opportunity for individuals and couples to learn more
efficient ways of addressing issues, make sense of them, reduce conflict
and stress, and make wiser decisions regarding medical treatments. Often,
partners have different opinions regarding a particular treatment, which
may result in relationship discord. A marriage and family therapist can
help the couple negotiate a plan, become more focused, and set an agreeable
timeline for treatment. He or she can help evaluate when it is time to
change course or stop medical treatment altogether, and help explore
other alternatives. Additionally, the therapist can equip the client
with helpful resources for infertility, such as referral to support groups,
videos, and literature. Support groups are an especially valuable resource
that can help individuals and couples cope with infertility and provide
the opportunity to learn from other people experiencing the same crisis.
The guidance
of a marriage and family therapist is an essential component for resolving
the infertility crisis. Therapy addresses the critical issues at hand,
and will assist in building constructive bridges to life goals that are
realistic and meaningful.
Consumer
Resources
RESOLVE, Inc.
1310 Broadway
Somerville, MA 02144-1731
www.resolve.org
A national support
organization which sponsors many seminars and self-help groups. Local
chapters are located in most areas. RESOLVE offers many useful publications
about the medical and psychological aspects of infertility.
Adoptive Families
of America
3333 Highway 100 North Suite 203
Minneapolis, MN 55422
A national organization
specializing in adoption issues.
Books
Cooper-Hilbert,
B. (1998). Infertility and involuntary childlessness: Helping couples
cope. New York: W.W. Norton.
Cooper, S.L.,
& Glazer, E.S. (1994). Beyond infertility: New paths to parenthood.
New York: Lexington.
Eck Menning,
B. (1988). Infertility: A guide for the childless couple. New
York: Prentice Hall.
The
text for this brochure was written by Beth Cooper-Hilbert, Ph.D
