AAMFT
Consumer Update
Children's Attachment
Relationships
A number of
childhood problems are particularly worrisome to parents. Lying, stealing,
anger or aggression, refusal to follow family rules, withdrawal, and
depression are just a few of them. In addition, parents may be troubled
because they do not feel a sense of connection with their child even
at a very early age, or they secretly find their child unusually frustrating
or even unlikable. A common feature of parent-child relationships that
underlies or runs parallel to many of these troublesome problems is an
insecure attachment. Because children’s early attachment relationships
govern other relationships throughout life, early intervention is a key
to reducing the long-term effects of attachment difficulties.
What
Should I Know About Attachment Relationships?
Attachment is
a biologically based strategy that provides emotional and physical protection
for children. Even before birth, a foundation is laid for the bond between
a mother and her infant. Attachment relationships begin developing at
birth and are generally fully established by eighteen months of age.
Infant behaviors such as crying when separated from the parent, seeking
proximity to the parent, using the parent as a secure base, and joyfully
greeting the parent after separation are attachment-based. Secure attachment
results when parents respond sensitively to their children's cues and
responses. Research has indicated that school-age children who are securely
attached are more cooperative with their parents, more inclined to competently
explore the environment, and more likely to get along with their peers.
Unfortunately,
as many as 30% of children develop insecure attachment relationships
with their parents. Insecure attachment may take the form of avoidant,
distant behavior or anxious clinging behavior. When children have insecure
attachments with their parents, any number of negative consequences can
follow, such as depression, anxiety, a lowered ability to cope with stress,
and poor relationships with others. A disruption in the development of
secure attachment could occur due to parental illness, parental unavailability
because of other life commitments, or the serious illness of the child.
Children who move from foster home to foster home or spend the early
years of their lives in orphanages can experience long-term attachment
difficulties. In addition, children sometimes have inborn temperaments
or disabilities that can impede the attachment process. Finally, children
who are abused or neglected or otherwise traumatized will often show
signs of impaired attachment.
When
Should I Seek Help?
Therapy for
attachment difficulties may be the primary treatment or may be used along
with other therapy. The following are signs of distress that should not
be ignored:
When your child-
- Is exceptionally clingy to you most of the time,
to the point of distress, and there are no other circumstances to explain
the clinginess.
- Seems more affectionate with strangers than with
family members.
- Is frequently distant and doesn’t accept help
from you.
- Defiantly opposes your efforts to set limits more
often than not.
- Lies or steals despite your interventions and
beyond the normal testing of children.
- Is constantly manipulative, beyond the normal
range for children.
- Displays anger that does not seem normal.
- Is hurtful to animals or threatening to other
children or adults.
- Has difficulty regulating strong emotions.
- When you feel disconnected from your child
for long periods of time.
Parents should
also consider treatment for a child who is affected by autism and other
pervasive developmental disorders such Asperger's Syndrome; for a child
who experiences attentional difficulties like Attention-Deficit/Hyperactivity
Disorder (ADHD); as well as for a foster or adoptive child who is having
difficulty forming relationships. In all of these childhood problems,
children have difficulties interacting with other people, and attachment
therapies can effectively address and treat these problems.
What
Is Therapy Like?
There are various
models of therapy that are used for treating attachment problems. Parents
should explore the treatment options available by consulting with a licensed
marriage and family therapist. Because attachment has to do with family
relationships, therapists with degrees and licenses in family therapy
are an excellent choice.
Typical therapy
for attachment problems will include both the parent(s) and child. Initially,
parents meet with the therapist or, in some models, a team of two therapists,
who will ask the parents to describe their experiences with the child
during pregnancy, and from birth to the present. Parents will also discuss
their current concerns regarding the child. Therapists may meet with
the individual child for a period of time while the parents observe,
meet with the parents alone, or with parents and the child together,
but parents fully participate in attachment therapy from beginning to
end. Attachment therapies often involve fun and rewarding activities
that enhance the attachment bond while dealing with serious issues. In
some cases, attachment therapies can reach their therapeutic goals within
approximately twenty sessions.
Secure and insecure
attachment relationships are present in every racial and ethnic group.
However, how attachment relationships are expressed within these groups
can vary greatly. A sensitive therapist will recognize that your child’s
attachment relationship may well be influenced by cultural differences
and adapt their therapy accordingly.
Consumer
Resources:
Organizations
ATTACh (Association
for the Treatment and Training in the Attachment of Children)
P.O. Box 9348
Newport Beach, CA 95658
(949) 760-9109
www.attach.org
This national
organization recognizes the critical importance of attachment to human
development and is dedicated to promoting healthy attachment in parent-child
relationships. They embrace a diverse spectrum of intervention models
designed to build and/or strengthen attachments. They hold an annual
conference each fall. They will provide information on contacting a therapist
in your area. Parents should ask each of these contacts in which attachment
therapy they have been trained.
The Attachment
and Bonding Center of Ohio
12608 State Road
Cleveland, OH 44133
(440) 230-1960
E-mail: abcofohio@webtv.net
The Attachment
and Bonding Center of Ohio specializes in treating children who have
experienced developmental interruptions. The staff also treats individuals
and families who are experiencing a variety of problems in the areas
of adoption, attachment, substance abuse, sexual abuse, and adolescent
difficulties.
The TheraplayO
Institute
3330 Old Glenview Road
Wilmette, IL 60091
(847) 256-7334
www.theraplay.org
E-mail: theraplay@aol.com
This 33 year
old not-for-profit organization provides Theraplay® treatment at two
offices in the Chicago area. Both parents and children are involved in
the therapy and numerous childhood difficulties are treated. Staff at
the institute train in the Theraplay model in Chicago several times a
year as well as across the U.S. and in other countries. The institute
manages a referral clearinghouse of therapists in the U.S. and other
countries trained in Theraplay.
Books
for Adults
Hughes, D. (1999). Building
the bonds of attachment: Awakening the love of deeply troubled children. Northvale,
NJ: Jason Aronson.
Jernberg, A.,
& Booth, P. (1999). Theraplay: Helping parents and children build
better relationships through attachment-based play. 2nd edition.
San Francisco: Jossey-Bass.
Keck, G., &
Kupecky, R. (1995). Adopting the hurt child: Hope for families with
special-needs kids. Colorado Springs, CO: Pinon Press.
Books
to Read to Children
Brown, M.W.
(1942). The runaway bunny.
Hazen, B.S.
(1981). Even if I did something awful.
Melmed, L.K.
(1993). I love you as much....
Pringle, L.
(1996). Octopus hug.
Steig, W. (1998). Pete’s
a pizza.
Williams, V.B.
(1990). More, more, more, said the baby.
The text
for this brochure was written by Phyllis B. Booth, M.A. and Linda Wark,
Ph.D.
